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So please use this to your advantage. Bust out that vaguely Eastern European accent and watch the magic unfold.

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It will tantalize them. Always be vocal about what you enjoy!

Eye contact can be so sensual during dirty talk. But you know what else is sensual?

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Preordering the new romance novel from Bachelor host Chris Harrison. Put on the original Muppets movie!

That song Kermit and Fozzie Bear sing together in the car? Recite your grocery list again, but this time do it like Nicki Minaj would. Interrupt the fun to quickly call your mom back.

Are you crying though? Because tears act as a natural aphrodisiac.

Kind of like lobster. Do a dramatic reading of 50 Shades Of Grey, but in a chipmunk voice to really heighten the sexual tension.

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Repeat after me: Say this to your hand. You wanna play hard to get, okay?

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Refer to yourself in the third person. And then just start calling yourself Mama.

If they seem fucm it, immediately switch and call yourself Daddy. Unless they tell you to stop because you should always respect what makes your partner comfortable, ok? Fear Of Falling In […].

Click to continue […]. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.

You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. So please, allow me to help you get laid the only way I know how: Read this: Kelly Lyrics Of All Time. More From Thought Catalog.

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I Just Want To Fuck Im not sure if this was made sarcastically or out of seriousness but this is catchy lol love you guys I want a woman. My Suicide Letter Lyrics: I put a gun to my head,- / And before i pulled the trigger this And i sincerely apologize to all those i love who may be affected by this please don't be mad mother,- Fuck you if you laughed at me like i was a clown,-. So please, allow me to help you get laid the only way I know how: through words. Tell them nobody fucking parallel parks quite like they do.